Kids develop at different speeds. This is the most important thing to remember when it comes to developmental checklists and milestone charts. However, no matter how many times we tell ourselves this, or say it to others, we can’t help but feel the need to check our children against them. There are thousands of charts, checklists and pamphlets out there that will tell you where your child should be. Even having a background in education, and KNOWING that kids develop differently, I still can’t help but worry about my daughter’s development and seek them out. However, I do believe that there is a benefit to these checklists and charts. So I do use them on occasion to guide my parenting decisions.

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When it comes to milestone charts, I think they get a bad rap because so many parents use them as a competition. But in our house, I simply use them as a guide to where I need to focus my attention. I recognize that the title of this post will anger some people. In this day and age of standardized testing, the word “test” has become a buzzword. I was actually a pretty terrible test taker in school. I despise the addition of more and more testing to our schools. (Plus, my background in education has taught me that there are better ways to evaluate a child, but that is a whole other story).

I was a really good student, but I hated the idea of letting myself, my parents or my teachers down, so I got really anxious about tests and usually didn’t do as well as I should have. So I absolutely am not encouraging parents to sit their children down and test them on various skills and topics! Instead, I evaluate my daughter’s skills through games, questions and activities that she thinks are fun, but also provide me with valuable insight.

How I Use Milestone Charts To Focus

My daughter has always had a large vocabulary. Once she started talking, we just couldn’t slow her down. However, I noticed that while I was working with her on expanding her vocabulary and her language skills, I wasn’t giving as much attention to her gross motor skills. I decided to check some milestone charts and see what skills were RECOMMENDED for her age level. I emphasize that because it is so important for parents to realize that they are just that! Since I read that she should be able to jump soon, I asked her to show me how a bunny hops. I did a little bunny hop to show her, and she copied me, but didn’t lift her feet off the ground. That simple “test” showed me that hopping should become a focus of our activities.

(I mostly use the charts from PBS Parents found here. I really like that they include a wide range of subjects. They also emphasize my point that every child is unique).

Also Check Out: How I accidentally taught my toddler 4 languages

Over the next several weeks, we did lots of activities that would encourage her to hop. We sang songs with hopping, pretended to be rabbits, tried jumping over lines on the ground, and jumping down from the bottom step. (The last one was a recommendation from Melissa from Rolling Prairie Readers – check out her incredible Parenting group for great activities and resources!). She started to get the idea, but still hadn’t mastered it. I had been looking into local activities where she could meet other children, and came across a local gym class for toddlers. We decided to check it out, and within a few classes of jumping on their trampoline, she had mastered the art of jumping! We were able to check that one off the list and move on to another skill.

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How You Can Utilize Milestone Charts

Milestone charts shouldn’t be used as hard and fast rules on where your child should be! Instead, you can use them to figure out where you should focus your attention as a parent, and encourage age appropriate skills that they are ready for.

Don’t get overwhelmed

There are so many milestones for kids in the first few years. It is easy to get overwhelmed by the sheer number of skills listed on these charts. Choose one area or skill to focus on at a time. Your child will probably already have hit more milestones than you realize! Find simple ways to evaluate their skill levels, and narrow down your focus.

Focus on one task at a time

Language skills, fine motor skills, gross motor skills… the list goes on and on! There are so many skills and milestones for each age level. Focusing on too many skills will end up stressing you both out. Choose one area to focus on at a time with your kids. I’m not saying that you should only do activities around one skill at all times. While we were working on jumping, we still played lots of games that encouraged her language skills, her fine motor skills and her math skills. I did find ways to include jumping in our other activities, but only playing games or doing activities around one skill is a good way to burn you both out.

Don’t get frustrated

It can be frustrating when you are trying to work on a skill, and they just aren’t getting it. Don’t let yourself get upset. Your child will pick up on that and get upset as well. You want learning to be fun for them. If you feel yourself getting frustrated that they aren’t picking up a certain skill,  set it aside for a while. They may not be ready to learn it yet, or you may need to come up with a new approach to teaching it. But trying to teach while you are frustrated is a recipe for disaster. If they learn to get frustrated while learning now, it will not bode well for learning things later in life.

Seek help if you are really worried

Another reason that the milestone charts get a bad reputation is the worry that they can cause. Worrying is a part of parenting. We are always worrying if we are doing things the right way, or if our kids are happy and thriving. Constantly checking our kids against checklists and charts is only going to add to our worry. If you have been working with your child on a certain skill for a long period of time and you are both frustrated, there are lots of options available to help you. Talk to your pediatrician about therapists in your area that can help your child, or guide you in teaching them.

Developmental checklists and milestone charts aren’t going anywhere. Instead of letting them worry you, use them to your advantage and make them work for you! Focus your attention and help your kids on their way to success!