We live in a world of Instagram and Pinterest, where “perfect” families make “perfect” crafts and have “perfect” lives. Let’s be serious. We post the good pictures on social media, but how many outtakes did it take to get that perfect shot? Reading to kids falls under this umbrella too. I have posted photos on my Instagram of my daughter and I curled up and reading together. And that totally happens! But I will not lie to you. There are definitely days where that perfect picture is NOT what happened!
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I started this blog to encourage families to spend more time together reading, learning and enjoying books. The activities that I share are meant to be easy for everyone to do, without any pressure to be perfect. I am far from perfect, and that is okay. I have read a lot of literature on reading to kids and teaching them how to read, and today I decided to share the top 5 things that experts in reading don’t tell you.
1. There is no such thing as the perfect read aloud!
The picture perfect read aloud photos we see on social media make it seem so easy to get your kid to snuggle up with you and read story after story, sharing laughs and teaching them about reading. Back in the real world, how many times have you had more than one kid on your lap fighting over a book? How about a child who keeps flipping the pages back and forth while you are trying to read it? These are all part of the read aloud experience, but you won’t see them photographed for the world to see! Learning to let go of the “perfect” read aloud scenario can help you to get less frustrated during these moments and see the humor in the chaos.
While we have some reading times that look like this, it isn’t the whole picture!
2. Kids will get bored and walk away.
I cannot tell you how many times my daughter has brought a book to me and asked me to read it, only to get bored and walk away one page into it. There are a few books that she will close on me on the exact same page every time. It’s like there is some internal timer or a message I’m not seeing in the illustrations. Either way, I have learned not to get frustrated and I let her get up and walk away.
Sometimes I will finish reading the story while she walks around the room (hey, I want to know what happens to Llama Llama this time!). Other times, I will close the book and dutifully accept the next one that she hands me. Forcing her to sit with me and finish a story that she obviously isn’t interested in at the moment won’t end happily for either of us.
Sometimes she would rather read to her stuffed animals
3. Avoiding frustration is better than forcing it!
No matter what age your children are, there can be nights when reading together is frustrating. If your toddler refuses to sit still or gives you 400 different books to read, or your beginning reader is too tired and frustrated to read or look at books any more, then you can call it a night. Don’t be so focused on the idea that you have to read together every single night, that you all end up frustrated and near tears by the time you turn the lights out! All of the research in the world about the benefits of reading to kids doesn’t mean anything if your “reading” time is actually spent fighting or crying!
“Hmmm… not this book… or this one… or this one…”
4. It is totally normal and okay to hide that book you have reread 6,000 times this month
I love children’s books. I love re-reading some of my daughter’s favorite books to her over and over again, because they bring her joy and she learns a little more each time. The research shows that kids really benefit from hearing the same stories over and over again. Putting that aside, we all reach a point where we think about hiding that book, at least for a little bit, to avoid looking at it one more time today.
I love Dr. Seuss, and Fox in Socks is one of our favorites. However, there have definitely been a few days where the fox went “missing” for a bit. Unfortunately, my daughter has found most of my book hiding places, so I will have to find new ones. But there is no shame in sending Fox or Llama or any of our other character friends on a mini vacation once in a while.
5. Kids will not remember perfection
This may be the most important point of all. Your kids will not remember every detail of every read aloud. They will not remember if you had a night or two where you skipped some pages, or if you started 3 different books and didn’t make it through any of them. They will remember that you read to them; plain and simple. Don’t stress yourself to create the perfect read aloud experience, when your kids just need a read aloud experience!
The most important part of reading with your kids is reading with your kids! It doesn’t matter how much you read every night, or what you read, or who does the reading. What matters is that you are reading together and building a bond through books. Forget those perfect Instagram photos. Focus on the imperfect, but totally awesome read aloud that you and your family share.
If you want to really rock read aloud when everyone is ready to snuggle up, check out this post full of great tips!
Very interesting read. Going to show this to several friends who are teachers and see what they have to say. I see a discussion coming.
Thank you!
I do try to rotate books every few weeks! We have so many and he mostly likes to just pull them all off the shelf so I keep about 10 in the living room, 5 by his potty, and 10 in his room for bedtime stories. (that’s not an exact number. It’s probably more than that) but then when I get sick of them I rotate them. He actually does pretty well at sitting for a story but only if it’s an older book that he knows. New books take him a while to warm up to! And I’m with you, sometimes when he wants to bail early I’m so ocd that i just HAVE to finish it. Even if it’s just in my head!
Haha, oh I absolutely get that! I have such an issue with not finishing pages or the book!
I so appreciate this post. I can relate to everything you said, and I’m so glad it’s not just happening to me. I’ve definitely hidden plenty of books and had many fights over my lap! Let’s not mention when the little one just slams all of the books shut… thanks for reminding us it’s not always easy and as perfect as it looks.
I’m glad others have the same experiences! It’s so important to remember that we don’t have to be “perfect” to be amazing parents!
Great tips! I love the part about hiding a well read book! I know the importance of rereading but sometimes reading Pinkalicous again might just be the death of me!
Haha, I knew there were other moms who felt the same way!
HAHAHA I love these tips–my daughter is a year, and she has the attention span of a goldfish!!! I read like two pages and she wants another book!!
Haha, exactly! We have had several reading sessions like that!
I love these reminders. It’s a good metaphor for life: things never go as planned 🙂
Exactly! That’s a great way to look at it!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for #4. There are a few books we have read so many times that I literally start to fall asleep when we read them now because I’m so bored. I don’t understand why that is…they have an absolutely ridiculous selection to choose from!
I totally get it! Even some of my favorites to read can start to drag after a while!
Great tips! I love the part about hiding a well read book too 🙂
Haha, I have a few hidden right now!
Great things to remember! Now I don’t feel bad about hiding the same books lol
Haha, we’ve all been there!
This is great, especially #4! I think I need to hide a book or two (sorry, If You Give a Moose a Muffin!). The great thing about all of this is that one day, they WILL sit and read, and read, and read.
Exactly! It can be frustrating when it doesn’t seem like they are paying attention, but they are!
These are great tips! I love the part about hiding a well read book, I do that with toys as well to rotate them every few weeks.
Yes! It’s so fun to see them rediscover old toys!
LOL, yes! “Perfect” reading times are few and fair between! Most people don’t realize that.
Exactly! We think everything has to go according to plan!
I took a Teaching Reading class in college, and reading aloud was something they stressed so much. I remember them saying we need to read aloud to kids because it’s a commercial for reading. They’re much more likely to read later in life If you read to them as kids!
It is so true! Reading aloud to kids has been proven to be one of the most effective strategies to getting kids to become readers themselves!
I love this post so much! THIS is what every parent or caregiver needs to hear. Sharing this everywhere!
Thank you so much! It is so easy to get caught up in worrying about doing everything perfectly! Parents need to know that not being perfect is totally okay!
Number four. Love it!
Yes! I love when my kids decide to play “choose your own adventure” when we are reading books. Who say you have to read the pages in order when going page 1, page 6, page 3, page 6, page 4, page 5, page 6, page 2, page 7 is so much more fun!
That is awesome! What a great way to let them have control of the storytime!
I think #4 will save a lot of sanity! It took me a long time to be comfortable doing that and then I wondered what took me so long!
Me too! I felt bad at first, but sometimes it is better to try something different for a night!
This topic is so near and dear to my heart! Great job. Keep up the great work with this blog!
The How-to Guru
Thank you!
I literally just breathed a sigh of relief after reading this! I am such a bookworm and want to share my love for books with my kids, but it can be such a frustrating experience with littles. I am so relieved that I am not the only one with kids who sometimes don’t want to finish the story, or only ask for 1 book over and over again, or who flip pages back and forth. But you are right–it doesn’t have to be picture perfect.
I’m so glad it gave you some comfort! It’s helpful to realize we aren’t alone, and that those nights won’t hurt the chances of our kids becoming bookworms.
The “kids will walk away” one is my son! Or he talks through the entire book, but if I stop its the end of the world! haha Still we love story time!
Haha, my daughter is the same way! She can walk away or seem like she isn’t paying attention, but if I stop reading, she doesn’t understand why!
This is great. We all get caught up in the dream of a perfect postcard reading time when what we need to focus on is the time spent together. One fun thing we did when reading to our kids and it depends on the ages of the kids you are reading to, but use the same book (you have read 1000 times) and make up a totally different story to go with the pictures.
That’s a great idea! My daughter likes to “read” the book along with me because she’s memorized it.
Oh I liked that point about some kids wandering away! My eldest LOVES books and would sit for hours reading them. His younger brother prefers to have a bit read to him, wander away and then crawl back into my lap to read more haha.
I rotate their books around too so I’m not reading the same ones over and over – although they clearly have their favourites!
My daughter loves to read, and when she gets up and wanders away she expects me to keep reading and gets upset if I stop!
my son totally walks away all the time!
Great post. Much as we all know reading to our kids is important, if reading becomes something that is frustrating for one or both involved, then it will not have the desired effect – to build lifelong readers. Thanks for these great reminders!
It is so true! Too often we feel like we need to force it because we know reading to them is a good thing, but reading to the point of frustration doesn’t help anyone!
Getting bored and walking away definitely does it. My son will be dying for me to read away to him. Then as soon as I open the book the up he say mommy I will read to you or walk away haha. Finding the right book. Even if it’s the same book we’re reading I have seen he will sit and let me read it to him.
Yes! The begging for reading and then walking away can be so frustrating!
I love this so much because as a teacher, I plan the “perfect read aloud” as part of my lessons. Of course, they do not always go as planned, but my students usually enjoy the experience and at least sit there the entire time I am reading. Then…I became a mom. I taped myself reading aloud to her while I was pregnant (because that is how much I love read alouds) and then she hit toddlerhood and as you mentioned, will sometimes just get up and walk away. I have totally hidden “Brown Bear, Brown Bear” a few times and totally changed (read: skipped) entire sections of a book because it cannot keep MY attention. This is a great reminder that it does not have to be perfect, just read as much as you can, when you can! Keeping it fun really helps them get excited about coming to school someday!
Haha, so funny your said that about changing the book because I just changed the words to The Day the Crayons Quit tonight because I couldn’t read the yellow crayon in the dark room! She won’t remember that there were days I skipped sections, but she will remember that we read together! That’s the most important part.
I just laughed out loud at number 4 because I have totally done that! We have this one ABC book that my Son would literally want me to read 20 times a day. I had to hide it for a few weeks as I needed a break! LOL
Haha, I’m glad I’m not alone!
Haha I loved this…interesting read yet so true 🙂
Thank you!
We are reading chapter books and my biggest issue comes when one kids doesn’t want to listen for an evening, but then gets mad that he missed part of the story. I know it’s really more of a learning experience for him, but I still hate having the argument about it.
That’s an excellent point! I can see how that would be a tough argument to have. I hope for your sake it doesn’t happen too often!
I love the emphasis on just reading… it’s so important and beneficial for kids, and it doesn’t have to be hard or complicated at all.
I have to remind myself of it whenever we have a tough night!
We pick up different library books biweekly so we won’t re-read books over and over again. She still has her faves but it’s not so redundant mixing in library books.
My daughter lets me mix in a few new ones now and again, but always cycles back to the familiar favorites too!
This is so great. I find myself in a lot of these situations! Thanks for sharing
You’re not alone!
Yes, kids will get bored easily. That is one of the struggles that I deal with the most.
It can be so frustrating, but it’s natural!
I don’t have kids but I used to be a “reading buddy” at the library to help kids get excited about reading and I loved it! It was so fun when they discovered a new favorite book!
Yes! I love when my daughter discovers a new favorite (even if that means I will be reading it 6,000 times!).
This was a great read lol. I love reading to my kids, and if they ever initiate the reading, even better! BUT, I have toddlers .. so reading is never a perfect experience. In the end I feel like I’m just reading to myself.
Yes! I definitely have those days a LOT! But I know that she already loves reading, so it’s worth it!
I definitely relate to having to hide certain titles sometimes! My daughter had a streak where she loved a Winnie the Pooh giant lift the flap book and no other option was acceptable. I love your approach to promoting early literacy.
Thank you! My daughter has a Winnie the Pooh lift the flap that is in her current rotation as well!
So, so true. They just want to be read to! And yes, I’m totally guilty of hiding that book read a million times!
I am all for rereading a favorite over and over again for all the benefits it provides, but sometimes you just need to switch it up!
Hahaha I LOL when I read this because I totally get hiding a book we’ve read 700 million times in one week!! 😉
Haha, one of my daughter’s favorites is currently hiding out because I just needed to change it up!
Cute! My husband just read to our 7 month old tonight and I think it’s the cutest thing ever!!
Love the hiding of the favorite book👌🏼👏🏼 Great ide!
That is a fantastic way to start a lifelong love of reading!
Great post! I’m a 3rd teacher and experience that with my students too. My goal is for them to be able to find a perfect book so they are interested in it and can read from cover to cover. Especially when it comes to novels, being able to see the characters develop, the entire story line and how the plot unfolds is so important! But I TOTALLY understand when you say sometimes you just gotta let it go. I’ve done that many a time, and always try to keep the kid’s best interest in mind when doing so.
So true! I think introducing kids to the right book is so important in developing their love of reading. As much as you don’t want to let kids give up on a book, we have all read one of those books that we just can’t get through.
I just read a parenting book and one of the tips said to read even if the kids are playing. If they walk away, definitely finish the book. Read to boys while they’re running around the room (they have energy to burn!) Reading can be an ACTIVE activity! Love all your tips as well 😉
Definitely! I have finished many books out loud when my daughter walks away to do something else. Kids pick up on everything, so even if you think they aren’t listening, chances are good that they are still hearing it!
I love all these posts about reading to your children! I hated reading when I was younger and struggled until going into high school and it turned into an obsession for me! When people give speeches in class you can tell those who are used to reading aloud and those who are not!
It is so important to start kids with a love of reading as early as possible. I’m glad you came to love it in time!
I love that you talk about them getting bored and walking away!! So true at times!
It happens with my daughter a lot!